Wow, it has been a long time since I last blogged. Time just kind of got away from me. So, I suppose you would like to know how things have been going. I don’t even know where to start!
How about I start with a photo comparison of me? I just posted these pictures to my Confessions of a [former] Fat Girl Facebook site, which you can find here. Check this out:
Okay, so now I got that out of the way. Well, kind of. Sometimes, when I look in the mirror, I see the person on the left. It’s when I look at pictures – side by side – like this that I can actually see a difference.
I am proud of myself, I won’t lie. And I won’t lie and say that it’s been easy. It hasn’t. I have good days and then, I have bad days – well, weeks. Sometimes, I need reminders, like the picture above to prove to me how far I’ve actually come.
So, I suppose you’re wondering why I haven’t posted in such a long time. I guess it’s because things haven’t been the best. I have been on this downward spiral since probably Christmas. One of my Weight Watchers members made me realize this week as to why I have probably been in this slump. Two words: My sister.
As many of you know, my oldest sister, Donna, died last year – January 31, 2011. I went through a really rough time after her death – I thought eating my way through the pain was going to help. It didn’t. It made it worse. Well, this past Christmas was our first Christmas without her and it has been since then that things started going down hill. Then, when the one-year anniversary of her death came, I didn’t realize it, but it really hit hard. Again, I tried to mask the pain with food. And again, it didn’t help. It only made it worse.
I reached my highest weight in a long, long, long time…I hit 149.2. So. Not. Cool.
I realized I hit rock bottom when, while traveling back from St. Cloud, I stopped at a grocery store and bought this:
I ate half of it before I even realized what I did. When I got home, I wrapped the box – the evidence – in some plastic bags and then threw it in the garbage – the outside garbage – so no one would know. Well, now all of you know. I think that has been my problem lately, is that I haven’t been honest – with myself – or with others. I have been “closet eating” again, which is why I haven’t felt like blogging.
In the last few months, I have had good days, but I have had some really bad days. One of the things that I think has saved me from gaining even more weight is that my husband and I have been going to the YMCA. So, at least I haven’t lost that part…I am still exercising. Thank goodness.
But, I am back on track. FOR REAL! I have lost about five pounds and am working on five more. I would like to stay right around 138-140. That is where I feel the best. And I know I can do it.
Thanks for all of your support. And I apologize for being MIA for so long. I will try not to do it again. Thanks for reading my blog and remember, you can keep up-to-date with me on my Facebook page, which you can find here.
Take care and remember, even when you feel like you can’t continue, you can. You can do anything you put your mind to. Baby steps. One foot in front of another. YOU CAN DO IT!