Alright, it’s time for a little confessing from the Confessions girl herself.
For the past couple of weeks, I have really been struggling. I have taken on an “I don’t care attitude” and now, I am struggling to get rid of it, to snap out of it and to get back on track.
To be honest, a lot of it has to do with when my sister’s health started to decline and then with losing her, it has only gotten worse. I know it shouldn’t. I know I need to snap out of it. I know she would want me to, but you know what, it’s really hard. Really. Hard. It hurts so much.
There is another reason, too. As many of you know, I have been working two jobs for quite some time. The last few months have been a whirlwind and I haven’t taken any time for me. I know that sounds kind of selfish, but I have admitted several times that I am selfish person. I need me time. It’s just that simple.Â Well, kind of. When I say I need “me time,” I mean I need time for me to exercise and I haven’t had that. Okay, it may sound like I am making excuses, but really, I am not. Well, okay, maybe a little.
I am hoping all that changes next week when I will only be working ONE job. As much as I am going to miss the newspaper…and let me tell you, I AM GOING TO MISS IT…I am going to be really happy to only have one job to worry about. AND to devote my time and energy to. For the last few months, I haven’t been able to give 100 percent of me to either job and that has been a struggle for me. I am not that person. I need to give 100 percent or more to what I do and I haven’t been able to do that.Â I believe that has also contributed to my “I don’t care attitude.” Why? I’m not sure. But it has. And to be honest, it sucks.
Since I made the decision to quit the newspaper, which was a hard decision, believe it or not, I keep telling myself that this insanity of a life I’ve been living will soon end. That is what has kept me going, although it hasn’t done much in the way of helping my eating habits or my exercise habits. When I got off track, I REALLY GOT OFF TRACK. And it has been a struggle to try and get back on.
My eating has been non-stop and my exercising has been non-existent. But I am going to get back on track. I am going to start eating right again. I am going to start exercising again. Yes, as most of you know, I have a race coming up. And yes, it is scaring the heck out of me. AARGH!!!! How did I let myself get so off track?
Okay, so this blog post has been a bunch of babbling and muttering and so it must end. Friday, February 11. I just need to make it until then. Well, actually, I have to make it through the weekend, which isn’t going to be easy. We are finally saying goodbye to my sister…her “Celebration of Life” service is Saturday.
I can do it. I can make it. I can get back on track. I will start eating right. I will start exercising. I will change. It’s a new day and only I can make it what I want to get out of it. If it’s meant to be, it is up to me.
I can. I will. I need to. I want to. Period.