Earlier this week, a good friend of mine asked me a question that has been weighing heavily on my mind. I can’t remember her exact words, but it was something like this, "Are you ever going to see yourself as anything but fat?"
I know I answered her, with probably not the answer she was looking for, but now, almost every day, I have really paid attention to what or who I see in the mirror.
I am beginning to like what I see. I don’t LOVE it. Not yet. But I can see that I have lost weight. I can also still see that I jiggle and wiggle in all the wrong places. And I am in need of some serious toning. But I am making progress.
When I look in the mirror, I see more smiles and oftentimes, when I wear something that I like, I think to myself, "Damn, I look kind of good." Or at least I know I feel good, anyway. I don’t feel ashamed anymore.
My clothes are starting to fit like they should…some are actually too big and I can’t wear them anymore. Kind of sucks because I can’t go out and buy a whole new wardrobe. But it’s awesome because I can button and zip things that I couldn’t before. I don’t feel like I have to hide in my clothes…or at least not as much as I used to.
But as far as how I see myself…the answer is yes, I still SEE the "fat" person. I know I am not obese and there are people who are larger than me, but I don’t – and probably won’t ever – see skinny when I see me.